A letter too late

I MISS YOU.

Too bad.
A tear fell from the left of my eye.
Every night, I reminisce our small talks.
The sound of your laughter,
The swell of your incandescent smile, Such a reluctant look on those eyes.
I am smiling through sigh.
I know, I shouldn’t bother myself anymore.
We lost our touch.
We drifted – damn apart.

I still miss you.

There were those times I wanna slap you hard to make you see that reality hurts that bad.
You actually needed it.
You needed to wake up.
Loving her made your heart fly but put your mind to slumber.
And I wanted you to see that.
You are not an option.
Not hers. Not anyone’s.

Our talks got deeper to never ending.
I am encountering a different yet complex you day by day.
Truthful yet kinda annoying.
You always question my beliefs and dig into my curiosity.
Everyday, I used to sleep at your good morning and wake up at dawn with a sly grin.
It was that I was so glad about.

Then one day, I got caught on that pit and fell.
It was not my intention.
You got me in ways you’ll never know. And even if I enjoyed your company, I resorted to denying that.
I didn’t wanna lose you because I am falling already.
And I know, you won’t be able to reciprocate that for your heart belongs to her. It always was.

For once, I did believe that not all men are the same.
You were a living example of the rest your kind.
That was what she’s been overlooking all along, and I want you to realize that.

I need you to understand that you are amazing.
You are more than a cancelled plan;
A lending hand whenever she just needs one;
You know you’re not just worth a “hi” without a proper “goodbye.”
You wanting to fit her world made you too broken for your own good.
And I hate seeing you that.
I wanna save you but I cannot do that when I am drowning too.

I fckin miss you but not enough to lose myself all the more.
I cannot help you if you won’t accept it.
I am tired of making you see your worth.

You told me you missed me too.
I almost believed that – but no.
If you really do, you shouldn’t be here now and be gone tomorrow just like what she did.
You became like her.
You lost your consistency.
You’ve got a lot of excuses.

I am tired of being there for you each time when you won’t even choose to stand up for yourself.

I am tired of pulling you back whenever she leaves you hanging again.

I got tired.

Even if I wanted to be there for you.
I got tired of waiting for you to realize something good about yourself cause I cannot do that if you’re not even willing to claim your worth.

I so fckin miss you but I am tired of hurting too.

Just because you’ve been messy and broken, doesn’t mean you’ll not do something bout it.

I hope you’ll be able to wake up choosing yourself one day.

You got a good way to my mind – before. But now, not anymore. -Z

~ Those J’s of My Life – 2 and a quarter

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